Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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