so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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