How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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