i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
