I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
