I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
