I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
