why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
