i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
