Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
