butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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