Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
