I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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