Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
