Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
