bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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