Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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