So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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