i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
