So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
