After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
