if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize