he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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