I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
