the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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