it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Still dying that you shit outside
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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