ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize