I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
