Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
