Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
