Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
