Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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