I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she peed on how many people?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
