Don't make out with my wife yet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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