Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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