my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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