So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
