whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
