"it" just moved
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
