bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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