I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
