Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
