I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
