I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
