i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
