but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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