The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
