my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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