My room smells like vodka and shame
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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