whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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