my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
