Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
