I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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