im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The best revenge is premature balding
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
