I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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