My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish my penis had a tongue
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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