Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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