what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
