I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
