Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
50% drunk capacity currently
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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