Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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