I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
