this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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