Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
