my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
