i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
