I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
