have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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