oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
