wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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