Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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