i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is classic penis vs brain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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