good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need water and some morals
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
