you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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