So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
