Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
