she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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