he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
