I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
