Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
