My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
