Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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