She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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