Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
