Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dear god my vagina.
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