I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
