i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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