I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
