At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
