Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
