Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is wine microwaveable?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
