My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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