oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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