I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Green mimosas i think yes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
