i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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