she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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