walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
