She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
