:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dignity is for republicans.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
