i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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