Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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